THE OFFICIAL DOG RULEBOOK
Every line comes in a pair — a Do the dog is granting himself and a Don't he is imposing on you — which is the entire structure of a rulebook written by whoever benefits from it. “Do throw the ball again” sits two lines from “Don't expect privacy anymore”, and neither reads as a contradiction to him. Monochrome Stack sets it in one grey, one weight, no ornament — the same register a real terms-and-conditions page would use, which is exactly the joke. It closes on “Don't forget I know where you sleep”, delivered as a statute rather than a threat.
Opens in the editor with these words already in it. Change any line.
The words on this poster
THE OFFICIAL DOG RULEBOOK
- Do let me on the sofa
- Don't move when I'm comfortable
- Do share whatever you're eating
- Don't pretend you can't see me begging
- Do open the door when I ask
- Don't close the bathroom door
- Do throw the ball again
- Don't expect privacy anymore
- Do tell me I'm a good dog
- Don't eat without offering me some
- Do save me the best spot
- Don't blame me for the missing sock
- Do take me everywhere
- Don't stop scratching until I'm done
- Do remember this is my house
- Don't forget I know where you sleep
I live here. You just pay for it.
Set in Monochrome Stack
One soft grey, no rules, no frame. Set very tight so the words form a block.
Print-ready PDFs — 8×10 · 11×14 · 16×20 · A4 · A3 · 12×18 · 24×36. All included.